Making the decision to move a partner or parent into residential aged care is one of the most emotionally challenging transitions a family can face. It often brings a profound mix of feelings: relief that they will finally be safe and cared for, alongside grief for what you are leaving behind, guilt about not doing enough and uncertainty about what the future holds.
Perhaps you have already recognised the practical signs that it’s time to consider residential care, like complex medical needs or care requirements that have outgrown what in-home support can safely provide. Now you may be facing the harder, more personal question: how do we prepare ourselves and our loved one emotionally for this change?
The truth is, there is no single right way to feel. What helps most families is acknowledging the difficult situation, planning carefully and seeking support when they need it.
Coping with the emotions of moving to residential aged care
The emotions that surface during this transition are real, valid and deeply personal. For spouses, moving a partner into care can feel like the end of the life you built together. You may worry about loneliness or feel as though you are breaking a vow to care for them “in sickness and in health”.
For adult children, the feelings can be equally complex. Many carry a deep sense of responsibility and guilt, wondering if they could have done more or managed things differently. The weight of that responsibility can be overwhelming, even when you know that residential care is the safest choice.
If you are finding this transition difficult, services like the Carer Gateway offer free, confidential counselling and peer support for family carers.
What is a trauma-informed transition in aged care?
Moving home is stressful at any age. For older Australians (especially those living with dementia, anxiety or a history of trauma) the experience can be deeply unsettling. That is why many quality aged care providers now embrace trauma-informed care, which prioritises safety, trust, choice and dignity throughout the transition.
A trauma-informed approach that this is not just a logistical move, but an emotional one. Here is how you can support your loved one:
- Involve them in decisions: Where possible, let your loved one choose which room they prefer, what belongings to bring or what time of day they would like to move in. Small choices restore a sense of control.
- Create a familiar environment: Set up their new room before they arrive with cherished items like family photos, books and ornaments or even a playlist of music they love. Familiar sensory cues can ease anxiety and help them feel at home more quickly.
- Share their story with staff: Take time to tell care staff about your loved one’s life, their preferences, what comforts them and what might upset them. When staff understand the person behind the care plan, they can respond more effectively.
- Allow time to adjust: The first few days may be difficult. Both you and your loved one will need time to adjust to the new routine.
Building a partnership with the care home
Under the Aged Care Quality Standards, families are recognised as essential partners in care. This principle, known as Partnerships in Care, acknowledges that you hold irreplaceable knowledge about your loved one’s history, preferences and needs.
A quality aged care provider will actively seek your involvement. Building this partnership early helps ensure continuity of care and gives you a meaningful ongoing role.
Here is how you can strengthen this partnership:
- Attend care planning meetings: Share insights about their daily routines, communication style, food preferences and what brings them joy or distress.
- Maintain regular, predictable visits: Frequent predictable visits help your loved one feel secure. They also help you build trust with staff and stay informed about their care.
- Use formal partnership programs: Many homes have structured Partnerships in Care agreements that allow family members to continue providing hands-on support, like assisting with meals or taking them for walks.
- Communicate openly: If something concerns you, raise it early and directly. A good provider will listen and adjust the care plan with you.
This approach benefits everyone. Your loved one receives more personalised care, you remain meaningfully involved and staff gain valuable insights that help them provide better support.
How to prepare your loved one for moving into residential aged care
Careful preparation can reduce the disorientation and distress that sometimes occurs when someone moves into care. Planning ahead helps both you and your loved one feel more in control of the process.
Use this checklist to guide the final weeks:
- Talk honestly about feelings: Acknowledge the difficulty of the change. Phrases like, “I know this is really hard, and I wish it were different, but I want to make sure you are safe” can validate their emotions while reinforcing your care.
- Visit the home together: If possible, arrange a pre-move visit for a meal, morning tea or an activity. Meeting staff and seeing the environment can reduce fear of the unknown.
- Consider a short respite stay: If a permanent move feels like too much all at once, a planned respite stay can offer a gentler first step. It allows your loved one to become familiar with the environment, routines and staff, and gives you time to see how the care feels in practice before making a long-term decision.
- Pack thoughtfully: Bring meaningful items but avoid overwhelming their new space. Photos, a favourite blanket, a radio or a small plant can all help them feel grounded.
- Choose the timing carefully: If you can, plan the move for mid-morning on a weekday when staff are available and settled. Avoid late afternoons or evenings when fatigue may be higher.
- Stay for the first few hours: Help them settle in, meet their neighbours and share a cup of tea. Then, leave before they become too tired. Ending on a calm note can make the next visit easier.
- Schedule regular check-ins with staff: Agree on how you will stay informed in the first week. Some families appreciate daily phone call; others prefer a weekly update. Find what works for you.
Finding current vacancies in residential aged care
Finding a residential care home that provides high-quality support and has an available room can be time-consuming. Aged Care Decisions simplifies that process.
Our service is 100% free, 100% independent and 100% personal. We match you with facilities based on:
- Current room availability
- Specialised care needs, including dementia and palliative support
- Your preferred location and budget
- The emotional and cultural fit that matters to your family
We handle the research and initial contact, providing a tailored list of options so you can focus on supporting your loved one during this transition.
Supporting your loved one after they move
Moving a family member into care marks a significant shift in how you support them. It changes your role from being the primary provider of physical care back to being their partner, child or advocate.
While the practical side of the move involves forms and logistics, the emotional side takes time to settle. By prioritising their safety and access to professional care, you are making a responsible choice that supports their long-term wellbeing.
We are here to help with the practical side of finding the right home, so you can focus on being there for your loved one.
Ready to find a care home that feels right for your family?
Get a personalised list of available vacancies in your area, tailored to your loved one’s care needs and your budget.
Request your free Options Report
Here’s how Aged Care Decisions’ FREE aged care matching service works:
